LCG: Hi! I’m wondering if you are interested in some lawn treatment.
Me: No. Thanks.
LCG: But have you noticed? You have clover in your lawn.
Me: Yeah. I noticed. I figure as long as it’s green, it’s good.
LCG: Well, we can take care of that.
Me: I don’t like to use chemicals on my lawn.
LCG: Well, we do use chemicals, but it won’t harm your children or pets.
Me: Mmmm. I’m not interested.
LCG: (Dramatically, triumphantly pulling out a leaf with holes in it) Oh yeah? Well are you interested now?
Me: (Looking to the side.) Nnnoooo.
LCG: Do you know what this IS? (Pointing to the leaf, even more emphatically.)
Me: What is it? (Expecting news of a plague of biblical proportions.)
LCG: THIS is a sign of insects! I just pulled this leaf off of your tree seconds ago. YOU have INSECTS living in your tree!
Of course I have insects living in my tree. That’s where insects live. What has the world come to? I’m supposed to be upset by that? I’m supposed to buy chemicals to get rid of them? Do my neighbors buy this stuff?
photo by tanakawho